Scenes From A Marriage – The Boiled Egg

On January 4, 2010, in Short Stories, by Wilfried F. Voss

The following is a translation from a sketch by my favorite German cartoonist and comedian (Yes, they do exist…):

A married couple sits at the table for breakfast. The man of the house checks his boiled egg and, after a long thought, starts the conversation.

HE: Berta!

SHE: Yes…!

HE: The egg is overcooked!

SHE: (silent)

HE: The egg is overcooked!

SHE: I heard you…

HE: How long did you boil the egg…?

SHE: Eggs are actually not good for you.

HE: I mean, how long did you boil the egg…?

SHE: You always want it boiled for four and a half minutes.

HE: I know that…

SHE: Then why do you ask?

HE: Because it’s impossible that this egg has been boiled for only four and a half minutes!

SHE: I boil your egg every morning for four and a half minutes.

HE: Then why is it sometimes undercooked and sometimes overcooked?

SHE: I don’t know. I am not a chicken.

HE: Really? But how do you know when the egg is just right?

SHE: I take it out after four and a half minutes!

HE: Do you use an egg timer?

SHE: Feelings. A woman uses her feelings.

HE: Feelings? What kind of feelings?

SHE: I can feel when an egg is just right.

HE: But it is overcooked… Maybe there is something wrong with your feelings.

SHE: Something wrong with my feelings? I spent all day in the kitchen, I do the laundry, keep your things in order, clean the house, manage the children, and now you tell me there is something wrong with my feelings?

HE: Okay, okay, but if you boil an egg according to your feelings, it boils only coincidently  for four and a half minutes.

SHE: Why do you care if it boils coincidently for four and a half minutes? The most important thing is, it boils four and a half minutes.

HE: I’d just like my egg boiled to perfection and not coincidently! I don’t care how long it boils.

SHE: Whoa! You don’t care? You don’t care that I work so hard for four and a half minutes in the kitchen?

HE: That’s not what I meant…

SHE: It is important to boil the egg for four and a half minutes…

HE: That’s what I said!

SHE: But you just said you didn’t care!

HE: I’d just like a perfectly boiled egg…

SHE: My God! Men are so primitive!

HE: (mumbling to himself) I will kill her… Tomorrow I will kill her…

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