Forum Sharks And Semi-Gods

On February 11, 2010, in Writer's Digest, Writing & Publishing, by Wilfried F. Voss

To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
- Joan Klempner

Most of us aspiring writers sign up for Online forums, either to pitch new ideas and wait for feedback, or to ask for advice, but foremost to “build a platform.” “Building a platform” is based on a very basic principle: If nobody knows you, nobody will buy your books.

I always put the term “building a platform” in quotation marks, because, in my very personal opinion, there is a lot of nonsense connected with the idea, especially when it comes to forums. Yes, it is imperative for each new – and even the established – author to maintain a web site and create some attention for his/her work. But forums, with very few exceptions, have close to Absolute Null impact on a writer’s career. Nobody else but other aspiring writers will read your entries. After months of playing with various forums I have decided to cancel all but one of my accounts – I’ll keep the one at AuthorNation.com, because it’s actually fun being there (unless their server breaks down, which it does frequently).

But even on AuthorNation.com you will be pestered by what I call the “forum sharks.” Forum sharks “attack” each single new member and ask to be their Online friend, forcing them to read their – usually useless – blabbering about their books and other writings, may it be about infertility treatment, attracting money with your mind, new paths to riches, or even poems that don’t rhyme (Sorry, maybe I am just plain old-fashioned, but, in my world, good poetry rhymes).

You recognize the sharks by the vast number of “friends” they have, a number close to the total number of members on the forum. Their initial message is usually like “Welcome to the forum, and, by the way, please buy my newest novel…” They literally spend several hours a day to send their “friend requests” (without results that would justify the efforts, I may add – I checked them out).

Forum sharks usually do not participate in member communications, meaning they don’t read other members’ inquiries or offer advice, unless the forum is based solely on member communication. In the latter case, each newcomer will be greeted by a great number of members wishing you well in your efforts to become the next Hemingway, and while some of these greetings may be from the heart, most are designed not only to create readership, but foremost to place yet another hyperlink to their web site.

Again, we’re “building our platform,” and search engines love hyperlinks, and an increased number of hyperlinks will help increase awareness of your web site in the Internet community. Well…wrong! Any SEO (search engine optimization) expert will tell you that the mere number of hyperlinks doesn’t count when it comes from the same source, the same web site. Secondly, depending on how the forum is set up, search engines might not even be able to access member communications and thus not see the hyperlinks.

In another forum, that I signed up for and abandoned after a while, you could only insert hyperlinks into your posts after writing at least twenty-five entries. Ergo, some users invented the “word game.” I write an entry containing a single word, you respond with another, related word, I response with yet another, related word, and so on, and so on. Needless to say, but games like this one do not help to increase the quality of the Online forum, but the original purpose of the forum is not important to forum sharks.

Another forum categorizes you by the number of entries, starting at “New Member” (less than fifty entries) up to “Premium Member” (more than 500 entries). So, let’s get our hands at that computer keyboard and write something to improve our rank.

Then there are the semi-gods, members who either have participated for several years (and at the same time wasted their time writing literally thousands of entries), or they are real, accomplished authors. Some forums are sponsored by one of the sharks in the publishing industry, and some of them hire accomplished authors to “mentor” the newcomers. The advice they offer is, naturally, in line with their sponsor.

In my very personal opinion, the worst writers’ forum in the business is the one sponsored by Writer’s Digest, my favorite, most useless magazine. Writer’s Digest is specifically in the business of maintaining a dream world for aspiring, yet (hopefully) unsuccessful writers. Their Online forum, at the time when I signed up, was dominated by two elderly semi-gods, both with a reputation of a long writing career. At the same time, both were incredibly Internet-illiterate and, consequently, were opposed to radical ideas such as self-publishing. They wouldn’t offer any advice in that direction other than not to self-publish. I once dared to challenge their views, and their tone became increasingly aggressive, even insulting. In one post, one of these semi-gods stated that 99.9% of all aspiring writers – including myself – have no talent at all, which I thought was the wrong message to be sent to the forum’s members.

At another occasion (at another forum) I inquired regarding the effectiveness of paid review services for an author’s career, and one of the semi-gods blasted me for even posting such a ridiculous question. The last line in his entry was “Cut the crap!” His claim to fame was the publication of a Karate-Kid-replica novel that sold decently well on Amazon.com.

On a personal note, I was shocked by the lack of writing skills that far too many forum members, even the published authors among them, demonstrate in public, not necessarily in regards to style, but especially when it comes to the basics such as proper grammar and spelling. I don’t consider my own writing as perfect, but my excuse is that English is my second language.

My advice to the novice writer: First, browse the Internet for information, but avoid forums. Secondly, don’t buy books on writing; they’re just plain useless. Most importantly, read, read, read, and… read. Read Online newspapers, read Hemingway, or even Sarah Palin (Yikes!), everything works. This will be time well spent, and, if managed properly, will cost very little money.

Then, after all, write, write, write, and… write. Write about everything that comes to mind, especially topics you are passionate about. Put these writings on a blog. Continuous reading and writing will improve your writing style.

If you are talented and persevere, you will find success eventually. As a logical consequence, if you are not talented (nothing wrong with that), you will not find success. Online forums play no part in either scenario.

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Today’s publishing world is divided into two principle sections. First, there is the exclusive pool of traditional publishers, and, second, the help-yourself shark tank represented by the so-called vanity publishers.

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Stuart Martin Berry has found the answer: If you can’t impress them with your talent, baffle them with your bull-shit. [Read more, including an excerpt]

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