The following is part of an article series on writing a novel. For more articles see Let’s Write A Novel: The Monty Python Code.

There is much to be said about dialogs in a novel, and in the following I would like to point to the most common problem in novel-writing, the “he said – she said” issue. There is nothing wrong with the frequent use of “said,” but an abundance of “said” can hurt the readability. Readers may get easily bored, which, in turn, kills any potential to be accepted by agents and publishers.

Well, I’m a hands-on guy, so let’s create a chapter of The Monty Python Code on-the-fly:

“You are way our of your league, Ringtone,” Quayle said.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Ringtone said.

“We can crush you in a second, unless, of course, you cooperate,” said Quayle.

“What do you want me to do?” asked Ringtone.

“Well, if you can provide the documents, I might be able to convince our leader to keep you alive,” said Quayle.

“Honestly, I don’t know where the documents are stored,” Ringtone said.

“Ringtone, be honest with me. You are the only person who can locate these documents,” Quayle said.

“Okay. If it will save my life, I will do my best,” said Ringtone.

You get the picture. Almost each dialog sentence contains a “said,” and by reading the paragraph you get the feeling that something is missing.

There are several ways of tackling the “he said – she said” issue:

• Look for alternatives; use your thesaurus.
• Kill the “said” portion in the dialog line. Sometimes it’s just not necessary.
• Add some action instead of “said.” (Her eyes were filled with tears. “But I love you!”)

Okay, here is the modified version, yet again on-the-fly (unedited):

“You are way out of your league,” Quayle growled.

Ringtone looked confused. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

Quayle looked straight into his face. “We can crush you in a second,” he hissed, “unless, of course, you cooperate.”

“What do you want me to do?” Ringtone was curious.

“Well, if you can provide the documents, I might be able to convince our leader to keep you alive.”

“Honestly, I don’t know where the documents are stored,” Ringtone protested.

The old man’s impatience with his young opponent erupted again. “Ringtone, be honest with me. You are the only person who can locate these documents.”

The professor slumped in his seat and sighed. “Okay. If it will save my life, I will do my best.”

Let me, yet again, emphasize the importance of “fleshing out” a novel. While the second draft of the dialog seems to have improved over the first draft, it is still a draft. See also my post Let’s Write A Novel – Editing Your Novel.