A Contribution by Reagan Wilda. For more information see Reagan’s section on this website or her Facebook Page.

Like many others I am sure, I have welcomed this unseasonably warm weather with open arms.  Long walks with the girls, trips to the park and car rides with the windows down has certainly been a better alternative to being cooped up at home waiting for flu and RSV season to pass.  The doctors have always recommended lying low this winter while the girls were still young and developing.  While overall they are now healthy babies, their lungs and immune systems had a little catching up to do since being born three months early and recovering from surgeries.  So the first day the temperature reached above sixty, we were outdoors and we were loving it!  With the warm weather though, have come memories that have left me again thinking a lot about the past and more importantly about the future.

On one of the warmest days so far this year, I was getting into my car and the smell of spring sent chills down my spine.  Immediately, I flashed back to spring of last year when I would get into my car every morning to take the hour drive to the NICU to spend the day with my girls. The distinct feeling of being apart from my girls was all too familiar and almost too much to stand.  As I drove down the road, I felt like I was going back to the NICU, but this time I glimpsed in the rearview mirror and looking back at me through the mirrors on their seats were two beautiful, happy and healthy babies.  How far we have come, more importantly how far they have come.

I have spent the last year trying hard to remember every detail of the time we spent in the hospital.  Not only  was I afraid to forget how incredibly brave and strong my girls were as they came into the world, but I wanted to make sure that I could preserve every memory so I could one day share it with them.  I methodically wrote things down and relived many moments over and over again in my head.  Unfortunately for me, working so hard to preserve these memories made it somewhat difficult to move on and look forward to what the future has in store.  I no longer want the smell of spring to send a chill down my spine.  I want the smell of spring to come with new memories, like the memory of my beautiful baby girls staring back at me in the mirror as the warm air blows around us.

Unlike last year at this time, I don’t need to be afraid to think about the future.  I don’t need to be held back by all the “what ifs” that once seemed to control my life.  The fear and uncertainty has been replaced pure love and joy for each and every moment I spend with my girls.  With so much in front of us, I no longer need to dwell on the past but embrace the future.  The girls amazing journey into this world will never be forgotten because after all, it is the past that made it possible to look toward the future.

For more please follow my Facebook page…