Peter Carroll is the author of Queen of Misfortune – A Lady Jane Grey Novel and Doodlebugs & Spitfires. For more information, see his website.
In December 1578, when Queen Elizabeth was Queen of the realm, it seems remarkable that a monarch who displayed a courageous, forthright and shrewd charisma admired by many of her contemporaries, was plain scared to have a very bad tooth extracted.
Even her beloved Robert Dudley whom she called her Robin could not make her see reason.
The matter became so serious that even the troubles that were brewing in the country at that time were being unattended, which was so unlike a Queen who was always in control.
“I cannot abide the pain, ‘tis like it are taking over my very soul and if anyone tells me what I should do again I will have his head cut off and fed to the lions.”
Her outright temper tantrums made nearly all avoid her if at all possible, and never, ever enter into any discussion about that rotting molar.
In those days dentists were unheard of and caring for the royal molars was a job for her chosen doctors and, with her teeth being notoriously bad they had quite a job on their hands.
Even William Shakespeare, one of her favourite people in Court received the lash of her vicious tongue: “All you do is follow people around the Court taking notes – for what reason I cannot imagine!”
The bard humbly apologised and begged her forgiveness; “Thou shalt not be bothered again for I am moved to my new humble abode in Stratford Upon Avon.
“Are you sulking in my presence? For if you are I shall be most offended – and anyway you have not asked my permission to move away from the confines of this Court?”
Having one moment scorned William she now seemed to be surprised by his news of departure and spoke with a calmer, gentler voice. Before he had a chance to reply further she endorsed her permission that he may depart, but on condition that he regularly returned rendering her with more of his beautiful sonnets which she said; ‘kept the arrows of spite away from her soul,’ that she had enough to deal with given the ‘blessed molar.’
A little more at ease now the bard suggested she talk to John Aylmer, the Bishop of London but she instantly ridiculed him saying in no uncertain terms; “And how would a mere Bishop ease my atrocious pain that throbs in the night preventing me from sleeping and judders in the day – I can assure you I have ever prayed to our Lord to render unto me some relief but to no avail, now be on your way before I grow angered again.”
The molar matter concerned all in the Royal Court Her Government were in upheaval. Here was a Queen who carefully chose her ministers in the running of her domain, having managed to defeat the forces ranged against her and achieved more than any sovereign in making England great.
She’d been well versed in the trials and tribulations rendered of her Royal predecessors, she claimed to have inherited the sheer stubborn determination of her father, the great King Henry and the forthrightness and intelligence of her mother, Ann Boleyn.
Prior to being crowned Elizabeth Tudor simply stood in the wings patiently awaiting the moment she would be Queen, it became apparent that her half -sister Mary Tudor could not hold the reigns for very long given her emotional ties. Elizabeth could see the changing of the tide when the Catholic Queen - in burning over three hundred heretics at the stake - including the Archbishop Cranmer who had written the banned English prayer book. The treatment of these heretics made Mary unpopular, shared with the fact that the English people at this time, feared the power of Spain when Mary accepted a proposal of marriage with Philip II the King of Spain. He was also a very strong Catholic. Mary’s advisors and friends warned her not to accept his proposal but she went against their advice and married him in 1554.
The people of England greatly feared that Philip would control England and this lead to Mary becoming very unpopular with her people.
The marriage was a disaster. Philip spent much of his time in Spain and the two rarely saw one another. They had no children.
When Mary died in 1558, she was a very unhappy person. Her marriage, on which she had placed so much hope, failed and the people of England resented her. Some would say fair reprisal for all the bloodshed she had caused, and authorising the death of her cousin so young at the age of sixteen, Lady Jane Grey and her husband Guildford Dudley.
At last the throne was free but Elizabeth remembered the plight of the dear young Lady Jane Grey whom her half-sister also had ‘murdered’ knowing that Jane never wanted to be Queen but duped by the ruthless Duke of Northumberland, John Dudley – who too had become very unpopular, especially by the people of East Anglia after Robert Kett’s uprising, and how cruelly he disposed of the bodies of all who dared to oppose him. So when he raised his army to capture the would -be Catholic Queen Mary Tudor from her Norfolk abode – Elizabeth wondered why he never realised the situation and could not understand why even his own soldiers turned against him – making the passage easy for Mary Tudor to oust Jane Grey who had been queen for just nine days and giving her the perfect reason to ‘off be his head’ and soon after that of his son Dudley and Lady Jane Grey
In order to gain her ambition to be the monarch who could give her all to the country, she needed to be unattached – she needed to retain her vast popularity with her people- she needed her ‘eyes’ given of her in Robin to protect her from would be assassins, her strength of character was phenomenal and yet it seemed the simple problem of a bad molar could wreck all she had strived for.
The land’s highest ranking physicians were consulted – the situation was worsening all the time and there seemed no way out other than putting a potion in a drink that would put her to sleep long enough to dispel the problem once and for all. But they all knew full well the Queen’s resentment of those drugs knowing many of her contemporaries had been overdosed ‘accidentally on purpose’ and any harm given to the Queens person would end up with a trip to the gallows. But they knew also The Queen had one great fear-simply the sight of surgical instruments. She could not abide them. One of them tried with diplomacy and caution to hide his collection of dental accessories He placed them behind her while attendants held her head in readiness.
“Just relax your majesty and all will be over in a matter of seconds, the pain you have suffered will seem insignificant , just one quick pull and you will feel fit to rule the world if necessary” he whispered, gently reassuring her, “now open your mouth nice and wide to let me examine your offending molar.”
“It is a monstrosity I cannot bear any longer and I order you to rid me of it forever,” she said before he placed a silver spatula on her tongue.
But she coughed and retched causing the instrument to slip and come into sharp contact with the bad tooth.
The Queen jumped out of her seat yelling and carrying on, shouting; “My God I am surrounded by a load of raving idiots” and quickly disposed of the offending spatula it spinning through the window.
She swore loudly at her nervous attendants and sent them off to leave her in peace.
In an adjoining room her company of physicians argued among themselves as to what they should do. Meanwhile, the Queen yelled and abused those who were supposedly qualified to cure her, threatening to throw them out of the court, and ordering them not to return if they could not come up with a civilised cure.
At this time there was a physician noted for easing toothache, called John Fenotus. It was unanimously agreed that the lords of the council should command him to give his advice in writing, as it was known he was elderly and unable to travel.
Fenotus hastily replied with a long letter in Latin humbling himself to come after such great physicians, and then prescribing suitable remedies.
If the tooth was hollow his advice was, that when all was done, it was best to have it drawn out, though with some pain. But if her majesty could not abide to this, the juice of chelidonios major might be put into the cavity and stopped with wax, taking extreme care that none should fall on the sound parts; whereby the tooth would soon be loose enough to pull out by the fingers. Or, instead, the root of the plant might be rubbed on the tooth and gum to cause the same effect.
This was tried but it failed to work.. The Queen would now have to have it extracted. Reluctantly but bravely, the chief physician showed Fenotus’ letter to Elizabeth.
She succumbed to tears of hysteria, announcing her adversity and fear of the acute pain which she believed she would have to endure.
Stalemate followed. The physicians were left searching for a feasible solution. It almost seemed that Elizabeth and England would go down; some courtiers were already secretly discussing who might be her successor.
But when the situation reached a crisis point, Elizabeth remembered what her ’Bard’ had suggested – that she talked to John Aylmer, the Bishop of London. It seemed that destiny brought the Bishop to the Royal Court – be it to discuss a theological matter but when told the Queen was temporarily restrained he asked if the she might see him purely as advisor.Of course the instant she learned John Aylmer was there she scorned her aid for almost having turned the Bishop away
Could he alone save both Elizabeth and England?
Elizabeth knew the Bishop well, remembering he was one of the key tutors during her childhood when he tutored her and her cousin, Lady Jane Grey in divinity. He was a boisterous and pleasing man whom she trusted implicitly. The waiting physicians scoffed at this although they admired him for his ‘bountiful courage’ saying that perhaps a prayer was the only thing left which could cure the Queen’s indisposition.
Elizabeth listened to her favourite bishop, showing him the same respect given when she was a child. The bishop was now a stubby man with a greying beard. He placed his forefingers gently on her lips and opening her mouth to look inside. She relaxed and even forced a giggle as she tried to flatten her tongue for him to inspect the ‘rogue’ in her mouth.
“A rogue it is surely enough, Your Majesty. Fear not there is plenty to hold in order to disperse it, it will not break when pulled,” the bishop told her reassuringly.
Elizabeth shivered at the thought but the he made light of it: “Rub, rub, rub, the devil go with it,” he bawled.
Elizabeth replied: “I have heard that is your cry when you play that favourite game of yours, bowls I do believe?”
He returned that he was humbled by her Majesty having remembered that, although sadly he could no longer bring his aging body to procure a sufficient bowling motion, saying the last time he tried, he ended up sprawling. That was quite enough of that and his embarrassment was intense having done that in front of a dignified audience visiting from abroad.
The queen for a moment seemed to forget her dilemma and gave out raucous laughter which certainly eased Aylmer’s mission, given the sheer amazement of those physicians looking on from a concealed corner – not believing they were actually hearing a Queen who had been so very distressed laughing again!
The bishop told the Queen he had an idea for an experiment which could help solve Elizabeth’s trauma.
He volunteered to have one of his own teeth extracted by the Queen’s chief physician.
“But why should you put yourself to such pain when your teeth are quite in order I have no doubt.”
“For Queen and country, your Majesty – it will be an insignificant sacrifice if I can make you well again, you are my Queen and I am your humble servant.
“If one so humble to Your Majesty’s position can show that courage it will indeed be easy for you. The pain is not much, a swig of your best brandy beforehand and a small prayer will work wonders. It is nothing to be dreaded, like the Devil himself in the presence of God,” the Bishop told the Queen.
Elizabeth was touched by such sacrifice from one of her subjects and she pointed out: “You have few teeth left in your ageing years, Sir. Would you be so gracious as to sacrifice another for my stupidity?”
The bishop said it was his pleasure and courageously let the physician remove a tooth. He immediately stood up and rejoiced: “The Devil has gone!” Elizabeth immediately enveloped both in laughter and tears, holding her hand out to warmly take his as he kneeled and thanked her for her patience
“You, and only you, John Aylmer have made me realise my utter stupidity and I am the one so humble, that you have made me realise that.
The fortified Queen then immediately took his chair and ordered her physician to remove her own offending molar.
And the happy ending is that both Queen Elizabeth and England recovered…
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QUEEN OF MISFORTUNE
A Lady Jane Grey Novel by Peter Carroll
A Love Story of Shakespearean Dimension!
Queen Of Misfortune is the fictional story of Lady Jane Grey as told by her beloved tutor, John Aylmer. At the time of her execution a stranger is recorded to have assisted her when, blind folded, she lost her way upon the scaffold. Was it the same strange who was also recorded to have visited her when she was imprisoned in the Tower? Little is known of this unfortunate girl who was beheaded for treason in the 16th Century. She was only 16. She is omitted from the list of monarchs but was actually queen for nine days. Author Peter Carroll, in his novel, follows John Aylmer’s close relationship with Jane as her tutor and later, as she grows up, her lover. [More...]
Available at Amazon.Com, Amazon.co.uk, Barnes & Noble, and any other good bookstore.
