I am sorry, but it will never work. I could never take a man serious who tucks his shirt in his underpants.

It appears our local Rush-Limbaugh-Wannabe, Ben S. Clarke, is having some dating problems. First, there is the cooking issue (“I don’t mind women, as long as they can cook.” – I took some liberty with this quote, but I don’t believe my interpretation is unfair.) Now there is the diaper-changing-phobia (“I have a strict policy about changing diapers: I don’t.”) He says, “It has something to do with “gender equity” and division of infant labor duties.” Hmm, gender equity… division of infant labor duties… I do imagine the busloads of women from all over the country arriving in Greenfield, Massachusetts, trying to get a date with Ben S. Clarke.

The background to this story is Ben’s article in the local newspaper, the Recorder, titled “Family fun at the fair,” sub-titled “Nephews help with true learning experience.” – Add my gagging here… I had sworn, I would never again read his blabbering, but I blame this on my wife. She said, it’s like an accident. It’s ugly, but you just need to look.

As a father of a three-year-old I have changed numerous diapers in the past without feeling a threat to my manhood, and there is a lesson to be learned. First, there are things in life that we don’t enjoy, but they need to be done. Secondly, what I get in return for caring for my son is unconditional love and, surprisingly, the feeling that there is a life more important to me than my own. I don’t get that by throwing money at him. (Ben S. Clarke: “Total investment so far: $45.”)

The question may come to mind as to what kind of mother sends her kids off with uncle Ben with the knowledge that the one-year-old won’t have his diaper changed for hours…? It’s the same uncle Ben who feeds junk food to the one-year-old until he throws up  (It’s all recorded in the article). Yes, I can see how the nephews help with a true learning experience.

When you live in Franklin County and you read the local newspaper, you can’t avoid accounts of Ben S. Clarke’s personal life and, much worse, his offensive views on life in all aspects. We learn way more about his personal life, including his dating problems, than we care for. Help! Information overload!

Why we need to put up with this, I don’t know. What do we care what he does with his three nephews at the local fair? Why does the Recorder publish such a nonsense? What’s next? His digesting problems?

My turn on Ben S. Clarke’s article is simple: Everybody has the right to be stupid. Just don’t put it in writing! It’s bad for the writing career!

Last, but not least, let me explain that Ben S. Clarke “relishes” my rants about him. He enjoys the attention and he enjoys being insulted (Hey, single women, wink, wink, nudge, nudge!)

Just like Sarah Palin and the Tea Party, Mr. Clarke is not officially associated with the “Greenfield Coalition for a Sustainable Future,” but he supports the movement. The current issues are the proposed large retail store (Oh, Devil, Thy Name Is Walmart!) and the approved installation of a bio plant (burning wood to create electricity), whose sole purpose is to suffocate the entire population of Franklin County. The controversy starts with the simple fact that Greenfield, Massachusetts and its surrounding Franklin County is economically depressed, and that the proposed new businesses would create several hundreds of jobs, not mentioning the additional (and much needed) revenue of several million dollars per year for the town.

Mr. Clarke is gaining a questionable popularity by regularly writing (unpaid) contributions to the local newspaper, The Recorder. His latest article in the “My Turn” section addressed his issue with liberals, and it created an outcry by local residents for whom the shoe appears to fit.

Here is my response to them:

FOOL, if you still read Ben S. Clarke’s blabbering! I (an unapologetic Liberal, married to a registered Republican) have learned to ignore his writings. Ben Clarke is a speechwriter, merely expressing his opinion. He is not a journalist! The difference being, that a journalist needs to investigate topics and present facts. Here is a young, single man, who, after George 43, apparently struggles with finding a decent job. All he can do is watching FOX News (they’re not concerned with the political situation in Franklin County) and maybe walking his dog. Ben S. Clarke has a much more relaxed view of his writing. He once wrote to me, “I get tired of my writing the day after pieces are published,” and I believe, we all feel his pain. In addition he wrote, “I surround myself with liberals. More fun.” So, sit back, relax, and ignore him.

New York Times, Washington Post, and all other leading newspapers all over the country struggling to survive the Internet boom, move over and hear my ode to The Recorder, serving the people of Greenfield, Massachusetts and the North Quabbin region. Here in Greenfield, Massachusetts, we read the paper version of our beloved newspaper, and, while I have a disturbed relationship with the native Greenfielder, I am far from being sarcastic. My wife and I love the Recorder (as well as our local radio station, WHAI; if only Jay Fedanza wasn’t a Yankees fan).

We moved to Greenfield about eight years ago, totally unprepared for the cultural clash, but who could imagine that you can live in an American equivalent of Leonard Wibberly’s Duchy of Grand Fenwick, or even that a Chevy Chase movie like Funny Farm was not based on mere fantasy, but careful observation.

To put it in a nut-shell, the town of Greenfield (population 17,000+) is mentally, and in many cases visibly, stuck in the 1950s. The native Greenfielder (i.e. born and raised in Greenfield) is emphatically opposed to any changes that would interfere with his established lifestyle, even if it means hanging on to sub-standards, for instance, in medical care and fighting modern intrusions such as a big-box store (Oh Devil, Thy Name Is Walmart!). I frequently make it a point that The Greenfielder is a Soviet-Communist-Amish people – See my post A Species Of Its Own: The Greenfielder.

The Recorder has accumulated a large and stable list of followers, and I don’t expect that this will change in the near future. Their reporting is good, and keeps us up-to-date about what’s happening locally; National and international news are usually by Associated Press. Commentaries written by Chris Collins are a feast to read; those by Ben Clarke usually make me (and my wife) broil, and I can’t wait to get my hands on that keyboard for a flaming response to his offending humor – See my post Speechwriter Ben Clarke And His Offensive Humor.

And this may be the main reason for The Recorder’s success. The Recorder provides all of us an additional means of communication, especially when we thoroughly disagree on local issues, and a face-to-face confrontation is not advisable due to possible emotional outbursts. The letters to the editor are one of the most-read parts of The Recorder, and whether we agree with a reader’s contribution or not, we are exchanging ideas and keep the discussion alive.

And yes, The Recorder does have a website (http://www.recorder.com/), one of those amateurish throw-togethers that make you cringe and run for some TUMS. I always compare it to painting a car, because, believe it or not, everybody can paint a car. You take some oil paint and a big brush… You get the picture; it will not come out as a professional job, and The Recorder‘s website is a fine example.

But, in fact, it doesn’t matter. All those big newspapers around the country depend on top-notch websites these days in order to survive by creating additional income. It even goes so far that a highly regarded newspaper such as the Washington Post needs to sell advertisement space to known scammers, who are currently being investigated by the FBI and the Federal Trade Commission.

The online version of The Recorder is also designed to include ad space, but it is usually about playing golf in the Pioneer Valley, the hidden hills of Western Massachusetts, local TV listings, and the such. In the same spirit they can afford to post on their website:

Why can’t I read the entire newspaper online?

What you’ll find on recorder.com, and what you won’t

You can read the full story in The Recorder…but not ALL the stories.

You can find a lot of very useful information on Recorder.com, such as Classified ads, local Business Directories, links to other useful sites, weather information, local Arts & Entertainment schedules, obituaries, school lunches, the entire text of selected significant stories up to a week old, and many other great features. Many of these items can’t be found in the print version of our paper.

But you won’t find everything on our web site. You won’t find our police and court logs, or the entire local news report or sports. Why? Well, it’s just not good business to give away EVERYTHING we have to offer. Our subscribers mean a lot to us, and they value the service we perform by giving them the news and features they want.

To get the most the Recorder has to offer, our readers can access our web site AND check out our print version over their morning cup of coffee. Between the two, our readers can find out all the best information locally as well as nationally and worldwide.

Source: http://www.recorder.com/Online_Edition.cfm

Greenfield, Massachusetts may be mentally stuck in the 1950′s but their world is still in order when it comes to their local newspaper. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned; I just don’t know what it is.

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The line “Ben Clarke spent the past 10 years working as a speechwriter and political consultant in Washington, D.C. He has recently relocated back to Greenfield, where he works as a freelance writer.” garnishes the end of each article that Ben S. Clarke writes for The Recorder, a newspaper serving the people of Franklin County and the North Quabbin Region in Massachusetts.

As an unapologetic liberal let me translate the section He has recently relocated back to Greenfield, where he works as a freelance writer into After George 43 there was no more use for him in Washington D.C. Ben S. Clarke is a hardcore Republican, but, honestly, I won’t hold that against him. My wife is a registered Republican, and we haven’t killed each other yet. In fact, we’re doing very well.

My utterly unimportant blabbering is about his misguided sense of humor under the motto “If I can offense somebody, let’s do it.” He does it so eloquently, and he does it continuously.

On March 3, 2010 he wrote an article titled The Conservative Greenfielder’s Lament. Again, I will not address his political affiliation, but rather the remarks he deems to be humorous. Let me quote:

“I have always resented the liberal presumption of intolerance among conservatives – the notion that we huddle around campfires in endangered forests and seethe in our abhorrence of gays, ethnic minorities, illegal immigrants and France. Don’t get me wrong. I am not proposing we amend the Constitution and smuggle in an undocumented lesbian from Honduras to run for president. But I would at least hear her out. Assuming she could cook.”

In the meantime he wrote another article (which I, unfortunately, did not keep) about his childhood in which he joked about selling his brother’s kidney.

Today he addresses the oil spill situation in the Gulf of Mexico, lecturing us that BP stands for British Petrol (Duh!), and making some discriminative comments like “These guys are BRITISH.” Regardless, let’s have a look at another paragraph where he states:

“The only thing that we should focus on banning in America right now are romantic comedies starring Meryl Streep, referees in NBA basketball games, and tampon commercials.”

I still wonder who at The Recorder allows Ben S. Clarke to continue his Rush-Limbaugh-wannabe tirades, and if someone will tell him that his sense for humor is off. Maybe that is exactly the reason why he is not a speechwriter anymore.

Supplement June 17, 2010

Ben S. Clarke contacted me through this website, telling me that a friend had told him about this post, that he liked my blog, and to keep it coming. Ben, you continue your disturbing sense of humor, and I will definitely keep going. His remark also proves the point that the George-43-gang was – and apparently still is – out of touch with modern communication technologies. My wife googled Ben, and the only reference she could find was through my blog. Say thank you, Ben!

If you want to stay in business as a writer it is imperative to have a blog, and to verify the impact of your writing you put yourself on Google Alerts (i.e. you don’t need friends to keep you up to date). Last, but not least, as a truly professional writer you don’t use GMail. May I add that I am twenty-plus years older than Ben, but that’s merely biological, not mental.

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The Bleeding Hills

A Novel by Wilfried F. Voss

I have fought a good fight,
I have finished my course,
I have kept the faith.
- 2 Timothy iv. 7

The Irish War is officially a part of history, but not for Finnean Whelan, an IRA veteran of almost 40 years. British Intelligence has produced evidence that he is the mastermind behind a conspiracy to assassinate the First Minister of Northern Ireland. For Whelan this is not only a mission of revenge, but marks the beginning of a journey into the past and the return to the one true love: Ireland. [More...]

The Bleeding Hills is available at Amazon.Com, Amazon.co.uk, Barnes & Nobel, and any other good bookstore.

I just discussed an article printed in the local newspaper, The Recorder, with my wife. She had kept it for me to read and was interested in my opinion about it. Before I share my – utterly unimportant – opinion, let me quote from the article (March 3, 2010) titled A Conservative’s Lament by Ben S. Clarke. The first two paragraphs read:

“I have always resented the liberal presumption of intolerance among conservatives – the notion that we huddle around campfires in endangered forests and seethe in our abhorrence of gays, ethnic minorities, illegal immigrants and France.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not proposing we amend the Constitution and smuggle in an undocumented lesbian from Honduras to run for president. But I would at least hear her out. Assuming she could cook.

…Ben Clarke spent the past 10 years working as a speechwriter and political consultant in Washington, D.C. He has recently relocated back to Greenfield, where he works as a freelance writer.” (Meaning, after George 43 there was no more job for him.)

Okay… Assuming she could cook. I am still not sure whether he was joking or not, and if he thought he was joking, maybe he should think twice about his writing. My analysis, leaving that last degrading comment unanswered for the moment, is that Ben Clarke is as divisive as the rest of hardcore conservatives he accuses as being out of touch with reality. What I didn’t like in his article was the touch of aggressiveness against everything and everybody who is not on his side, especially the utter hatred pointed against liberals. Regardless of my personal political affiliation, I despise radicals, may they be left or right, and Ben S. Clarke is apparently one of them. I am always shocked when I hear of young people hanging on to old ideas that reflect an utter incompetence to learn from experience.

Ben S. Clarke, as far as I know (his mother, my wife, and I are on the board of the Franklin County Community Meal Program), was born and raised here in Greenfield, and he reflects an attitude I see in many Greenfielders who are so vehemently opposed to changes in any shape or form. When the typical – in all regularity conservative – Greenfielder can’t have it his way, he comes up with lies. A comment like Assuming she could cook is written proof that Ben Clarke is out of touch with reality. His blabbering definitely strengthens the theory that liberals are more intelligent than conservatives.

P.S. Let’s see if Ben S. Clarke has his name on Google Alerts…;-)

Supplement – August 27, 2010

In retrospective, Ben S. Clarke and I had a few e-mails  going back and forth after a friend, who is not as technology-phobic as Ben, told him about my writings. He didn’t take my posts personally and even encouraged me to continue and bash him. I can only speculate regarding his intentions (Maybe he enjoys the “popularity”), but over time everybody in Franklin County reading the local Newspaper, The Recorder, is now familiar with his uncommon sense.